ramblings of a beggar

so i'm new at this whole blogging thing, in fact i just decided to start one tonight. i'm using this as a place to release all my thoughts. some of them joys, confusion, passions or moments i would like to share.
to start here i am another 1000 miles away from where i woke up last thursday morning.
i'm at a point where i don't know quite what's going on...
since i came back from college i've had this mixster of feelings all jumbled up inside
its weird when you are driving back to this place you used to call home and suddenly you feel out of place
like its weird at school i feel out of place when i look at my car and know it's one of like ten with out of state plates on campus but yet driving here i suddenly saw all the other cars with wyo license plates and knew this wasn't home anymore
not that i don't like being here but it's weird because my life doesn't revolve around me being here...now don't get me wrong
i love being here, it's where i was born, its the same small town i grew up in. i love being close to my family, and friends that are so far away now when i'm at school. i love catching up with people. Snow and the mountains, sorry texans but those rolling hill’s got nothin when i see the amazing big horns up here. those small town memories and places that no one can replace. i love my job. and the time i spend with people here.
there is so much here that i can never have when i'm in texas.
but i feel so discontent
because oddly enough that place i leave 18 hours to take off for, the place that in the middle of this last semester i doubted if i even wanted to be.
that place that i had so much hurt, and doubts to get through before God smacked me in the face and said Allison i'm the one you're here for.
LIVE FOR ME.
that place has become a part of me.
its who i am
its part of who I am becoming, and my life on my own.
its where i spend nine months out of my life now
i have met amazing people there
and who knew coming back to this place i used to call home would be so weird for me.
i miss college, my friends, my life there.
I guess the part that’s most weird is that I’ve really come to realize that home is where the heart is…
I love my job while I’m at home, but I realize that I love it because I’m doing something I love
And that can be found anywhere.
That a house is merely a structure with four walls and door that this family of three girls had poured a lot of love into.
They mean so much and I will never let them go.
And those people are with me and apart of me no matter where I go.
Its not the places I’ve been
But the people that make places so significant to me
It’s the song, the restaurant, the gas station, the times that fill so many memories that make me miss people so much and make me so eager for that next time I see them.
i’m caught in the in-between
of letting go and gaining a new perspective of this place I knew as home
and adapting my vision to what God has at this new place that has become part of me somehow
I knew it would happen, looking back to those days when I would dream of being on my own and it’s here
Its now
The skies the limit
And I have one wide open future waiting on me.