Faithful.

This past week has been a total and complete unexpected answer to prayer.

I went on my road trip expecting nothing just excited to get away from town for a while and finally be able to see awesome people I haven't forever.It didn't really hit me until half the trip was gone that something else was going on and I got to see what God was really doing here on this trip.

And now i come to see and realize that the only thing I am certain of and can always cling to is this...

God is faithful.

He will accomplish what He promises.

Blessed are those who wait on Him.

The past several months for me have been a real struggle...definitely was not one of the easiest times of my life. I have doubted, hated, and cried more than any time in my life before.I saw a side of myself I had never seen before, I went through so much change and fought so hard.

After I transferred home at the beginning of last semester I had the hardest time trying to figure out what in the world God was trying to do and because I didn't understand I made any attempt I could to fix it. I had no control and no idea where to go when i lost it all. Several times this past semester I was brought to a place of emptiness. Having nothing of any value left to give. Self defeated and no idea where I was going, why it had all changed so much and where go from here.To say the least I felt lost. Out of control and I didn't get it, but I knew I didn't want to be here either.

I have never in my life struggled so much with what I thought was going on and never been so broken down when I looked myself in the mirror and honestly from the very depths of my being said I don't get it. I don't want this anymore. It was from the depths of brokenness and with absolutely nothing left to give, nothing but tears and a cry out for my savior that all I could do was say save me.


I need you.

Rescue me


And it was in the midst of being so utterly broken that God answered.

It all came crashing down on me for the first time at a women of faith conference when one of the speakers talked about trust. And for the first time in several months I realized I had none. I was so busy trying to control and figure out my own life and make sense of what my plans are that I lost all trust. As if to say I could figure it out my own.

At that conference God just whispered quietly "be still my child and know that I am Holy and working on your behalf"

I have come to know the true meaning of what people mean when they say you never know God is all you need until He is all you have.

In the midst of my desperate need He saw my struggle and He did the one thing I needed...He loved and accepted me.

I had forgotten whose I was. I lost all sight of the fact that God had a plan. In the midst of chaos and fighting.

Tears and trying to find my own way.

God's plan never changed. He loves me Perfectly. Just the mess I am, not matter how many mistakes I make, or how messed up life felt that is one undeniable thing...

He loves.

He was, He is, He is to come. Nothing, nothing in world can surpass or come close to comparing to the peace I had when I realized that. I have learned two very important things.

Trust.

Simply because God is who He says He is, He has a plan and is in control. I can trust Him. He is faithful. He will not leave nor forsake me. And he thinks I'm beautiful.

And that it's okay to not have control. Life's messy, it doesn't always make sense or turn out how I want it to but that doesn't take away the value in each day. I still don't have it all figured out, there is still uncertainty but God is faithful and worthy to be trusted.



And this past week is where it all started to make sense for me. That no matter how much the past couple months hurt or how many times I cried out because I just didn't know what was going on.

God's will is perfect.

Through it all, the pain, hurt, confusion God's plan was perfect.

And even though I doubted a thousand times over HE is faithful and more than worthy to be trusted.

Going back to Texas this week confirmed for me that even though at the time I didn't or couldn't understand if it was right....moving back was right and where I am now is the exact place He has for me.

I am amazed at the consistency of who God is and love the fact that HE is. He has a plan. And oh how blessed I am when I wait on Him